Tag Archives: Hot

That’s So Hot. (A List of What is and What isn’t Sexy)

By Simone Grant | Published: November 13, 2009

So I was out last night at a little tweetup, having fun, when all of a sudden it hit me – wow, our group was made up of a lot of pretty damn sexy individuals.  Now I’m not saying this just to fluff a bunch of egos.  Not at all.  It’s just what I was thinking at the time.  That a heck of a lot of the assembled folks (men and women, and btw, men were in the majority) were sexy.  At least, in my eyes.

So once my brain went there, it went to the next most logical place.  Why did I think that?  What is sexy, after all?  And is it the same for men and women?  Hmm.  I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that some of these things apply to what guys find sexy, but not all.  And that the average guy’s list would have a bit more emphasis on visuals.

Anyway, here’s my list.  My That’s So Hot list.  It’s really just a tip of the iceberg.  What came to mind today.  No where near comprehensive.  For what it’s worth:

  1. A big, easy-going, natural smile. – A natural (not cheesy, salesman-like) smile tells me a guy is probably friendly and happy and maybe even well-adjusted.  Or at the very least pleasantly drunk and in a good mood.  If I walk in to a room full of virtual strangers, I’m going to look for a smiling guy, walk right up to him and start talking.  Sourpusses, scowlers and men who have perfected the bad boy glare can all go stand in the corner by themselves and look cool.
  2. Taking care of yourself/not being horribly out of shape – Last night’s group ranged from mid twenties to early fifties, with a healthy chunk of us wedged dead in the middle.  None of the men present looked like they spent too much time in the gym, but they all looked they were aware of time’s passing and worked to stay in shape. For the record, I think a 40 yr old guy with a busy life and a little extra padding is hotter than one who gets up at 4am every morning to go to the gym so that he never gains a pound.
  3. Smart as hell with lots of interesting things on the top of your tongue -  I was trying to circulate last night, and while I did I overheard so many different, interesting conversations.  I kind of wanted to stop and join all of them.  And, btw, no one was namedropping, gossiping or talking about the latest tabloid scandal.  That shit is so not hot.
  4. Chutzpah - (Sorry, I’m in a very NYC state of mind today) – I could have said confidence, sure.  But it’s more than that.  Balls. Cojones. Audacity.  No, I mean chutzpah.  In a good way.  This is very different than arrogant, but please don’t ask me to explain it to you.
  5. Kindness – You might think this goes with the smile, but it’s more than that.  Like most gatherings, people arrived over the course of several hours.  At one point in the evening, our little corner of the bar was packed and every seat was taken.  Three different men were hopping up and offereing to go fetch additional seats because there was a a woman who was standing in a bending/awkward position to join a group that was talking.  None of them knew her and none of them were a part of that conversation.  AND, none of them wanted anything from it (hit on her afterwards).  They’re all just really kind, decent men who didn’t want to see anyone uncomfortable, even for a moment.  SO HOT!

So, ladies, what did I miss? If you were writing this list, what would be on it? And guys, what about you? What would be on your “So Hot” short list?

Posted in Take a Look at This, lists, smart stuff, aka "advice" | Also tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Practical Answer

By Simone Grant | Published: August 16, 2009

Today is Sunday, and you know what that means – another great Guy’s Story.

“Sometimes I write to explore deep themes of male-female relationships. Sometimes it’s to bear my soul anonymously in what can only be described as an unbridled Freudian quest for female approval, but sometimes I write just to answer a practical question from my little corner of the world.  This is one of those times.

I have been asked often by female friends, my sisters, even acquaintances. “Why is it, the days I look like sh*t, in (insert bumming-around clothes option here)  with no makeup, probably sweaty from the gym, guys are ALL about me??” It’s this kind of disproportionate attention that has led some of my female friends to contemplate never wearing anything but yoga pants and tank tops. It’s prompted this male to wish they would….why?

Why in a city of amazing women propped on amazing high heels exhibiting ever raising hem lines and ever-plunging neck lines (especially in the summer, and yes, thank you) is the ladies slightly sweat-glistened heading back from the gym around the corner that drive us wild? I shall attempt to give you a male perspective…

  • Get over it-you’re hot. Fashion designers have finally figured out what straight men have known since we started walking *ahem* erect. A woman’s ass is hot. It’s simple, but yes it’s a fact. And ladies, I know many of you are self conscious about the derriere. Don’t be. Same goes for that little pooch, or that little extra around the thighs. We love them all, and odds are unless you need to be hoisted out of your house with a crane, we don’t care if every square inch of you isn’t Giselle-perfect (in fact we probably really like it).

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  • It’s not intimidating. I tend to think of myself as a sort B+ attractive guy. If you saw me on the street I wouldn’t turn your head, but I think I’d at least flash on the average woman’s radar. It’s that sense that gives me balance between settled confidence and jackass arrogance. However, if I’m wearing slacks and a polo shirt and you come strutting up 5th ave in a pencil skirt, and heels, I’ll know you’re out of my league, especially at the moment. Like it or not ladies, the power outfit around the office might scare off a few guys at starbucks.

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  • It’s real. Chris Rock once said (paraphrasing) “everything about a woman is a lie, you got lipstick on-your lips aint that red, you got heels on-you aint that tall, you got a wonderbra on-your titties aint that big!” There’s nothing worse as a guy than seeing a woman out and about and thinking this is the woman you’re going to end up hitting on/dating/taking home only to handed the utter shock-and-awe of what she looks like the morning after. It’s something, I think, women don’t really have to deal with. You see me on the street and for the most part, what you see is what you get. We men love you in your sweat pants because the edifice is down. This is you in the raw and if we find you hot now, things can only get better.

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I hope this gives you a little insight into the male mind and why coming home from yoga class, we’re gonna be interested. Can’t wait to see the comment section!”

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Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda(?)

By Simone Grant | Published: August 3, 2009

It might be hard for people who don’t live here to imagine this, but New Yorkers bump into people they know all of the time.  Sure, it’s a BIG city.  But it’s also just a collection of neighborhoods.

This morning, as I was out fetching milk (for my coffee), I bumped into a guy I went out with a few times.  Or rather, I saw him from across the street and moved quickly so that he wouldn’t see me.  I just wasn’t in the mood to talk (pre coffee and all).

And then I got home and had my coffee and started to think about how the story of me and him (there was never an “us”) is a pretty great example of how timing really is everything.  He and I met online.  He approached me and we moved pretty fast (lots of emails, phone calls, etc).  My first impression of him was that he was gorgeous and perhaps a bit too pretty for my taste (I’m really not into the pretty boys, for lots of reasons) but also pretty damn smart and successful.  And we seemed to have the exact same taste in just about everything.  Seriously – music, art, travel, theater, how we like to spend our free time.  It was the first time I’ve ever met someone who seemed to like exactly what I liked.   And that was kinda neat.

Anyway, our first date was coffee at an outdoor cafe on a beautiful sunny afternoon.  It went well, but it was “off”.  As much as we had to talk about, and as objectively hot as I knew he was, I wasn’t all that attracted to him and I got the sense that he wasn’t all that attracted to me.  The chemistry just wasn’t there.  But at the end of the date he asked if he could see me again and I couldn’t think of a good reason to say no (hanging with him was fun and easy).   He emailed the next day and we made plans to get dinner at one of the better restaurants in my/our neighborhood (oh, yeah, and he lives near me).

Sometime in between the first date and the second date I met the man that would become my last serious boyfriend (aka, the evil ex-boyfriend, aka M).  And he and I had 2 dates, 2 days in a row.  And I knew by the end of date 2 that I wasn’t interested in any other men.  But I kept the date (it was the day after my 2nd date with M).  And it was great.  We laughed a lot and had a great conversation and, honestly, if I hadn’t just met M it might have been the start of something.  Might have…

Within days, me and M were in full relationship mode.  I was meeting his friends and visiting him at work.  And when this guy emailed about a 3rd date, I sent him a reply telling him how much I enjoyed meeting him and that I really meant that but that I’d met a guy – a boyfriend.  And he replied with best wishes.

Jump ahead to months after M and I split up.  I reactivated my online dating account.  One of the first people I hear from is this guy.  He sent me an email to my personal account and we started chatting again and made plans pretty much right away to meet for drinks at a local bar.  And it was great.  He was the perfect person to go on my first date post break up with.  He made it so easy,   And suddenly, I started to think that maybe there could be some chemistry hiding there.

The next morning he emailed, inviting me over to his place for a home cooked meal later that week.  Now, as I’ve mentioned before, when a guy invites me over to his place I consider it code for “I’d like to see you naked”.  I accepted the invitation, but honestly, I was stressed as hell about it.  He and I had only seen each other once, recently.  The other 2 dates were pre break-up/relationship with someone who, truth-be-told, I wasn’t 100% over.  I felt rushed.  But I thought he was a great guy and I wanted to see how things worked out with us.  I wanted there to be an us.

Then, the morning of the date, I got an email from him cancelling.  He’d met someone else.  He was sorry, blah blah blah (all the things I said to him) but he wasn’t the kind of guy to juggle women.  And that was a year and half ago and he hasn’t yet returned to online dating.  At least, none of the sites I use.

So when I saw him this morning, me looking like something a cat just spit up, I avoided him.  For no good reason other than that I think of him as someone who I could’ve maybe had a relationship with if things worked out differently.  Maybe I should’ve picked him over M, way back when.  Most women would have (better looking, more accomplished…).  But I went with chemistry.

Or maybe everything is exactly the way it’s supposed to be.  Yeah, that’s probably it.  And I probably need another cup of coffee.

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Monday Morning Blahs

By Simone Grant | Published: April 27, 2009

I miss Spring.  Just last week it was winter and then yesterday it was too hot to sleep.  Yes I have an air conditioner. But I was too stubborn to turn it on.  It’s April.  We’re not supposed to need our air conditioners in April.

So because the universe has decided that we no longer need spring and because I’m stubborn, I didn’t sleep last night.

So, what’s this got to do with my dating life?  Well, the universe is trying to hand me all kinds of shit that I find unacceptable and I’m fighting back.  Being stubborn. Saying no, that’s not good enough for me.  And because of that I’m finding myself dateless.

Coach and I went back and forth and back and forth trying to see if we could get together yesterday. But he was being so lame about it.  He kept saying he wanted to see me without giving me a time or any idea of what he wanted to do (in other words, he’s still the man with no plan).  And I had other things I had to do with my day.  I pointedly said, what do you want to do – specifically.  And he didn’t respond to that. So we didn’t get together at all.  LAME.  I like the guy, but if he can’t do something as simple as make a plan for a date then he and I can’t work. I’m sorry.

Then the European gets in touch with me last night and says his flight is really a day later than he remembered it being and lets get together before he goes.  But I’d already told him I have other plans for tonight.  I’ve got family stuff going on for the next few days.  So he was essentially saying, change your plans for me.  And I said no.

So I’m tired and cranky and dateless.  And hot.

Sometimes the universe really sucks.  But dammit, I’m standing my ground.

Oooh, now for some blog business.  It occurred to me that I have some newer readers who may not know the ebb and flow of my posting schedule.  On Mondays I post “Best Date Spots” suggestions.  My ideas for where to go and what to do on dates.  You can find all of those by clicking on the Best Date Spots tab on my header.  And then on Wednesdays I do polls and now Fridays I’ve starting doing lists.  I’m just trying to keep it interesting.

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Wow, You’re So Impressive

By Simone Grant | Published: January 13, 2009

I live in NYC and if there’s one thing we do well, here, it’s make people feel excluded. There are so many different places to go, so many different things to do, but there’s always going to be a shortlist of the hottest, hardest to get into bars and clubs (there are plenty of places on the web to figure out what those places are on any given week).

Here’s my opinion on those places in relation to dating. Don’t do it, especially for a first date. It’s not going to make you look cool or important. Seriously, it’s not. OK, it might, to some women. Some really shallow, vacuous women who are going to get off being in the same room with a bunch of B list celebrities. And if that’s who you want to date, then go for it.

Otherwise, no one really cares if you have the unlisted number to Milk and Honey or can get into The Beatrice Inn (yawn).

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