Tag Archives: date

How To Find A Great F*Buddy (it ain’t easy), Part 5

By Simone Grant | Published: December 17, 2009

Next, I remember having a couple of horribly awkward coffee dates, but neither of them stand out as noteworthy in any way. I’d like to point out, if for no other reason than I’d like to be judged on accurate information, that I was seeking a single fuckbuddy. One guy to see occasionally.  And so I stopped meeting with new people after I met and starting screwing the douchebag.

Then I met a guy who, if things were different, I might have ended up dating for a while.

Or something.

He was sweet and cute and we got along, as people, extremely well. But because of where I was in my life (still heartbroken because I’d met a guy I adored but couldn’t have a decent relationship with because the sex didn’t work AND completely sexually frustrated) we ended up just meeting once out for coffee and then once again, a few days later for sex.  The sex was OK-ish.  If he was a guy I liked a lot, it would have been OK enough to continue dating him.  And who knows, maybe we could have worked on it together.  But as a fuckbuddy, he just didn’t cut it.

He did not take it well when I told him I wasn’t interested in seeing him again.  I recall him being kinda insulted. He thought we had something, I guess. Or that we might turn into something. And like I said, there might have been that possibility.  But my head wasn’t there and my heart wasn’t available.

He continued to reach out to me every once and a while for a couple of years and we did get together once for a drink (I felt bad, he was trying so hard). But nothing came of it. The punchline here is that he works right around the corner from my apt (just like my fb) and we occasionally bump into each other on the street.

New York is too damn small, sometimes.

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? Seeking…Hey, Where’s My Box

By Simone Grant | Published: July 15, 2009

So, by now all of my regular readers know that I’m a big fan of online dating.  For all of its faults, I think it’s a pretty awesome way to meet potential dates.

But that’s not what this week’s poll is about.

Recently I was checking out a new-ish site (I check them all out, I like to be well informed) and I noticed that they didn’t include preference selections for bisexual men and women (and no, I wasn’t trolling eHarmony – been there, done that – never again).  This struck me as really odd and pretty damn foolish on their part.  And then it got me to thinking.

I actually know some women who will come right out and say they won’t date bi guys.  I’m not one of them.  I don’t personally have an issue/problem/concern (call it what you want) in that area.  And I know there are some people who don’t even believe that male bisexuality exists (let’s not turn this post’s comment section into a battle on that, please).   I find the “it doesn’t exist” argument a little bizarre as I’ve known many men who seem very happy in their bisexuality, but whatever.   All I’m saying if that if a guy says he’s bi it isn’t going to stop me from dating him, whereas I know it’s going to stop some other women.

This doesn’t seem to be an issue for guys.  If anything, guys seem to be turned on by bisexual women.  Or maybe it’s just that the guys I know are all perverts (please, I’m joking)?

And, to get out of the heteronormative world that this blog usually inhabits, what about within the gay community?  I’ve heard gay male friends talk about their discomfort with men who call themselves bi.  And yet I know lesbians who will date bi women without giving it a second thought.

Anyway, these kinds of questions fascinate me.  And I want to know what you all think.  And what would you, and wouldn’t you do.   If the person you were interested in dating told you they were bisexual, would it make a difference?  Would you date someone who was bisexual?

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  • I’m a guy, and I would. (28 votes)
  • I’m a guy, and I wouldn’t. (12 votes)
  • I’m a woman, and I would. (27 votes)
  • I’m a woman, and I wouldn’t. (44 votes)
  • Other/This doesn’t apply to me. (2 votes)
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TMI

By Simone Grant | Published: July 6, 2009

There’s this guy I first met online over a month ago. We exchanged several messages and he seemed like someone I might like.  Then he disappeared (Completely.  He hid his profile.  I figured he met someone.).  And then, over the weekend, I got a new message from him.  He apologized for disappearing so abruptly and said that it was because work had gotten overwhelming.

At the end of the message he gave me his real world email.  Which led me to his website and all kinds of information about him that I really don’t need prior to us meeting.  I like to get a little info about a guy beforehand.  You know, due diligence.  But I don’t want to know EVERYTHING about him before we meet.   I mean, if I read his blog and see his facebook page and check out his Twitter stream, it makes the first date kinda awkward.  That’s just too much information to have about a complete stranger.   Plus, it doesn’t leave you much to talk about on the date (I can’t pretend to not know things that I know).

Speaking of which, I had to laugh when I saw this:

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Long, Fun and Weird

By Simone Grant | Published: June 18, 2009

So my date the other night with that guy, the one who had disappeared for many months, was just bizarrre.  Oh, and we were right.  He’s been in a serious relationship this whole time.

First off, he’s an old picture guy.  A really old picture guy.  If I had to guess I’d say his pictures are at least two years old.  Maybe three or four.  At this point, I’m not even surprised when guys are 20 pounds heavier than their pics.  It’s pretty much the norm.  I’d be shocked if a guy actually looked like his picture.  Not shocked – ecstatic.  But still, it kind of does reflect poorly on him that he’s using such deceptive photos.

He came off as pretty intense from the get go and I was thinking it was going to be a short evening.  Intense can be good in small doses, but I can’t deal with someone who’s intense all of the time.

And then, as we got to talking, I realized that we knew some of the same people.  We’re both career changers and we both used to work in the same field.  Just not with the same people at the same time. And he got out before I did.

It was pretty freaky to hear that we knew some of the same people, especially when we actually started to talk about them.  I guess you could say it was disorienting.  But his perspective on those people and on some shop-talk type things that only people in our former profession would know about was illuminating.  It let me get to know him in a way that I wouldn’t otherwise.

And because we had so much to talk about we ended up talking for hours.  And hours.  4 hours.  It was the longest first date I’ve been on for years.  And it was fun talking to him.

But (there’s always a but) I’m thinking that he’s completely the wrong type of guy for me.  If we ever actually worked together we would have been total work enemies.  We’re on completely different sides of some pretty big issues. I’m a pragmatist.  I don’t have time for people who want to spend all day talking philosophy.  I want to get things done.  Even if it means compromising. And he’d rather walk away than compromise.  He’s the type that calls people who compromise, ’sell outs’.

And so, even though I had fun, I’m thinking it’s a bad match.  Although it was kind of neat to talk to someone who knew so much about stuff that I knew about (did that sentence make sense?).  Luckily I have two more dates scheduled for this week and a couple other new guys on deck for next week.

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You’ve Come a Long Way Baby

By Simone Grant | Published: June 18, 2009

Here’s another one of those New York things that I’m not sure if people in other places can relate to.  I’m sorry if it’s too New Yorky.  It’s hard for me to tell.

I was on a date recently and the guy was telling me that he’d recently moved to a new neighborhood.  Well, where he moved to is not that far from where my family is from (where my mom and dad both grew up, and where I lived when I was very little).  So I mentioned that and how much that part of the city has changed.  And then he asked me a follow up question and the next thing I knew he said two of the most condescending things I’ve heard in ages: “you’re a working class girl” and “you’ve come a long way”.

Now in his defense, though why I’m defending him I have no idea, this guy is a total leftie (which I knew) and he was saying these things with a tone of admiration in his voice.  He’s from a pretty privileged background (from what I can tell).   Kind of a limousine liberal.  And people like that tend to romanticize hard work and crappy jobs and not having enough money.

He wasn’t entirely accurate.  I’m from a very typical middle class background.  My parents were from crappy neighborhoods/poor families but they worked hard (dad went to a city college, blah blah blah) and we moved out to the ‘burbs and things were actually pretty easy for me.  Never cushy, but easy.  But just the fact that I have people in my family who didn’t go to college, or lived in an apartment in a not so great part of the city when I was a kid is a big deal to someone like him.

Anyway, it’s a strange thing but dating in New York can sometimes feel like class warfare.  I’ve always made a concerted effort to not date guys from “good backgrounds” and “good families”.  I feel like I can’t relate to them or them to me.   I don’t really care what someone’s doing now, or what he’s earning, but a guy from a wealthy family is usually a big turn off.

And so, back to my date.  He said that.  And I smiled and said yes and then changed the topic.  He’s a nice enough guy.  I think I might like him.  I might even go out with him again, just to see what happens.  But I already know that I could never take him home to meet the family.  Never.  Everyone would hate him immediately and with good reason.

Silly, huh?

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