Tag Archives: men

That’s So Hot. (A List of What is and What isn’t Sexy)

By Simone Grant | Published: November 13, 2009

So I was out last night at a little tweetup, having fun, when all of a sudden it hit me – wow, our group was made up of a lot of pretty damn sexy individuals.  Now I’m not saying this just to fluff a bunch of egos.  Not at all.  It’s just what I was thinking at the time.  That a heck of a lot of the assembled folks (men and women, and btw, men were in the majority) were sexy.  At least, in my eyes.

So once my brain went there, it went to the next most logical place.  Why did I think that?  What is sexy, after all?  And is it the same for men and women?  Hmm.  I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that some of these things apply to what guys find sexy, but not all.  And that the average guy’s list would have a bit more emphasis on visuals.

Anyway, here’s my list.  My That’s So Hot list.  It’s really just a tip of the iceberg.  What came to mind today.  No where near comprehensive.  For what it’s worth:

  1. A big, easy-going, natural smile. – A natural (not cheesy, salesman-like) smile tells me a guy is probably friendly and happy and maybe even well-adjusted.  Or at the very least pleasantly drunk and in a good mood.  If I walk in to a room full of virtual strangers, I’m going to look for a smiling guy, walk right up to him and start talking.  Sourpusses, scowlers and men who have perfected the bad boy glare can all go stand in the corner by themselves and look cool.
  2. Taking care of yourself/not being horribly out of shape – Last night’s group ranged from mid twenties to early fifties, with a healthy chunk of us wedged dead in the middle.  None of the men present looked like they spent too much time in the gym, but they all looked they were aware of time’s passing and worked to stay in shape. For the record, I think a 40 yr old guy with a busy life and a little extra padding is hotter than one who gets up at 4am every morning to go to the gym so that he never gains a pound.
  3. Smart as hell with lots of interesting things on the top of your tongue -  I was trying to circulate last night, and while I did I overheard so many different, interesting conversations.  I kind of wanted to stop and join all of them.  And, btw, no one was namedropping, gossiping or talking about the latest tabloid scandal.  That shit is so not hot.
  4. Chutzpah - (Sorry, I’m in a very NYC state of mind today) – I could have said confidence, sure.  But it’s more than that.  Balls. Cojones. Audacity.  No, I mean chutzpah.  In a good way.  This is very different than arrogant, but please don’t ask me to explain it to you.
  5. Kindness – You might think this goes with the smile, but it’s more than that.  Like most gatherings, people arrived over the course of several hours.  At one point in the evening, our little corner of the bar was packed and every seat was taken.  Three different men were hopping up and offereing to go fetch additional seats because there was a a woman who was standing in a bending/awkward position to join a group that was talking.  None of them knew her and none of them were a part of that conversation.  AND, none of them wanted anything from it (hit on her afterwards).  They’re all just really kind, decent men who didn’t want to see anyone uncomfortable, even for a moment.  SO HOT!

So, ladies, what did I miss? If you were writing this list, what would be on it? And guys, what about you? What would be on your “So Hot” short list?

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Public Service Announcement (Please Guys, These Looks Don’t Work On Anyone)

By Simone Grant | Published: August 14, 2009

This started innocently enough.  I was out for beer and wings with Lostplum and Mirthful33 and there were a few cute boys standing not far from us (Lostplum spotted them first, go figure).  And I said, “Nah.  They would be cute.  But the one in the suit has a really bad $10 haircut and his friend’s wearing a baseball hat.  So not hot.”

And so it began. Our* list of things that make otherwise perfectly attractive guys MUCH less attractive.  Potentially so unattractive as to render them undateable (depending on the night, our sobriety, and which of us you were trying to convince).  I should warn you that our system of compiling this data was to have Lostplum text me things as we spotted the offending issues out on the sidewalk and in the bars.  As the night wore on and we had more to drink, we might have started to get a little meaner/funnier/crazier.

  • bad haircut (the kind that look like they were done by a blind barber)
  • baseball cap (in a bar?)
  • double pop top collar
  • wrap around tribal tatoo on his upper arm
  • be strong bracelet
  • seashell/surfer bracelet (or worse) necklace
  • too much hair gel/product
  • muscle shirts
  • skinny jeans (especially the really skinny ones)
  • eyeliner
  • transition frames
  • earrings bigger than studs
  • cell phone holster clipped to his belt
  • cut offs (jean shorts that are cut-offs)
  • a man purse
  • tucked in polo shirts

    • I know.  It’s a long list.  It probably could have been a lot longer.  Help us out.  What did we miss?

    *I went back out again last night with Lostplum and Mirthful33. We were joined by @iamalejandra.  We did a chaotic little pubcrawl throughout the LES and the East Village.

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Old Habits Die Hard

By Simone Grant | Published: July 28, 2009

I’ve written a few times about the type of men I used to date.  And the fact that I know that, in the long run, those relationships always go wrong.  No matter how much I like a guy or even how much he likes me, I’ve been down that road enough times to know there is no happy ending.

Just a lot of tears and anger and sometimes a few feeble apologies long after they’d do any good.

Being the slow learner that I am, it took me a long, long time to get here.  And here isn’t a firm place.  Sometimes I’ll meet some guy and like him immediately and then realize after the fact that he’s officially “bad for me” and I shouldn’t see him again.

Even harder is the fact that I don’t find myself atttracted to too many guys who aren’t “bad for me”.  Instead, I’m constantly playing this game with myself.  I call it, What about him.

What about him?

Nah, he’s bland.

He’s not bland.  He’s nice and sweet.

What about him?

Nah, he’s too timid.

He’s not timid.  He’s just not pushy.

What about him?

Nah, he’s too _____.

Get over it.

It’s a sucky game, a sucky way to try to date.  Never trusting my own instincts.  But I figure I’m learning.  Unlearning old habits.  Picking up new ones.  Trying to always remember that that little voice inside my head (the one that wants to skip work and stay in bed and have sex all day) usually doesn’t know what’s best for me.  So when it says, “I want him”, it’s a sure sign to stay away and keep looking.

I’m not sure if this makes sense to anyone.  But a while ago someone asked me to write on this topic (changing the type of men I dated).  This seemed like a good place to start.

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Go Ahead, Deny It

By Simone Grant | Published: May 9, 2009

I’ve frequently been told, by guys, that guys are simple.  That women over-complicate things and if we could just remember that guys are simple, that they say what they want and mean what they say (and all that crap) then the world of dating and relationships would all be a lot easier.

And I’ve repeated this.  Thinking it sage advice.  Well, I think I’ve found the rebuttal to that argument.  And a damn fine rebuttal indeed.  It seems there’s an argument to be made for guys being complex creatures with conflicting motives and desires.

This is one of those things that’s best seen firsthand.  The video is called, What Would Penis Do and it’s part of series called Tales of Mere Existence by Levni Yilmaz.  Thanks to Susan Walsh for initially posting the link to this video.

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Ten Reasons Why I Love Men

By Simone Grant | Published: May 1, 2009

A while ago I was hanging out with two of my dearest female friends (who happen to be lesbians).  We were talking about the recent demise of my latest relationship, one that had seemed promising and then suddenly turned into a big pile of shit.

And I said, “it would be so much easier if I could just like women.”  And we all got a little chuckle out of that.  The three of us had never talked about it, but anyone who knows me well knows, I’m pretty far over on that Kinsey scale.  I really, really like guys.  Really.  Too much.  And women – well, like I said, my life would be easier if I could like them, too.  Me and guys have such a crappy track record.

So, given my crappy track record, what is it about men that I love so much?

Here they are, Ten Reasons Why I Love Men (Please be advised that this is a tongue in cheek list, it saddens me that I must tell you that up front.  But last time I posted one of these there were lots of folks who didn’t get the joke.):

  1. They almost never notice the 5 lbs that I gained (that I’ve been obsessing over), my stressed out skin or my straggly-needs to be cut hair.  In short, guys are a lot less critical about our looks than we are.  We might look in a mirror and see nothing but flaws, but that’s not the way they see us.  I call it their “permanent rose colored glasses”.
  2. I like sex with men.
  3. They’re frequently pretty good at fixing things, opening jars, lifting heavy objects.  Pretty damn useful to have around.
  4. I like sex with men.
  5. They don’t obsess over tiny, little things the way I do.  They’re just not programed that way.  Well, not the ones I go for.
  6. I like sex with men.
  7. They love cholesterol at least as much as I do and can eat more than me. Makes me feel like less of a pig.  Mmmm bacon.
  8. I like sex with men.
  9. They will scream at the TV during sporting events and so don’t thinks it’s werid when I do.
  10. I really like sex with men.
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